I have a problem..

2015-06-10 01:02:03 by dominiichan

You really don't know how much something or someone means to you until it's gone...

For awhile now I've been busy with my girlfriend, and up until recently she has ceased our relationship. Sure it's only temporary but, I've never felt more alone in my life. She was my entire world and now... I don't know what to think. You may say, "There are other fish in the sea." or, "You'll get over her." but... she was special. We went together like bread and butter. Every moment I spent worrying about her, calling her, talking to her, having fun and special times with her was like a moment felt in heaven. I feel like they're all gone now... I can barely keep myself upright. So much so that even my heart feels like it's missing.. I loved drawing, I wanted to become great, I wanted to become famous, I wanted to go to Japan... but not anymore.. she was all I wanted in the end.. she was my everything.. she says she'll come back but... waiting hurts. It may come soon but.. the thing about her is that she's very much in love with a fictional character. I know it's stupid and it's just fake but.. she acts like he's real.. she would get pissed off if I ever said anything about him. I don't know what to do anymore. Time and time again I've restricted myself from taking my life but I don't know for how much longer. My world is falling apart and I'm standing on the last few slabs of what used to be my sanity. I'm not a very sociable person so... she was the one I'd talk to and feel comfortable with. I just don't know if she still feels the same about me... after all we've been through, good and bad, I can only say that... I want to be with her so bad. But I can't... she wanted a break from love and relationships... I can't blame her after all the shit she's been through but... I feel she's growing more and more distant from me... and I don't want that to happen...

Does she still love me..?
Does she still need me around..?
Would she really be sad if I just disappeared..?
Has she forgotten every second I spent caring, worrying, and talking with and about her..?

I've become dependent on her love. It's like a drug. I really bit down hard into it... and I need it. I can barely live a single day without thinking about her on every waking moment. And lately, the thoughts I've been thinking have only served to drag me down further. "Will she leave me and say she no longer wants to be in a relationship..?", "Will she no longer feel love for me once she feels she's ready for a relationship again..?". These thoughts are eating away at me from my core. All I've heard from friends is that, "If she really loves you she'll come back, feelings don't disappear that easily.". But what if they do for her..? What if I have only been ruining our relationship further with me getting jealous all the time...? What if she never wants to talk to me again..? What if...? WHAT IF...?

This is something I know I can't do alone.. It's already begun to sink deep into my soul and leaving marks along the way. I want to tell her how much she means to me. But would she care..?

I can't bare the thought of losing her... It's the same as if I were to lose myself. But I don't know how she feels about me anymore... Her eyes her vacant and she holds no capacity to sympathize at the moment. I hope she'll be okay. And I hope she will return to me one day when she feels she's ready.


Comments

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saucybirdsaucybird

2015-06-10 01:09:18

You can say that again. But I am terribly sorry, it hurts a lot I'm sure. I had girlfriend somewhere close to your age and it hurt like a bitch when we were through. The one thing I would've told myself at that age is that focus on things you enjoy, make yourself happy first rather than having to rely on others to do so. Yeah everyone will tell you the obvious "time heals all wounds" junk -which is true-, but the sooner you realize you're in control of how you think and feel, relationships become easier to handle and maintain. Make yourself happy, it's just something to think about. Hope this was helpful

dominiichan responds:

Sigh.. It's just a lot harder than it looks... She's real special to me...


YomToxicYomToxic

2015-06-10 01:52:10

I'm inebriated to the point of stupidity, but right now, you need some cheering up.
*stands up and kicks common sense out*

Don't be held back by other peoples' expectations. Never settle for staying afraid of what the future holds, regretful of the past and unsure of what to do in the present. I know you cared for your girlfriend, but what's the point of waiting for someone who has the temerity to test you instead of believing in the you that believes in yourself?!

Listen closely... Don't forget. Believe in yourself. Not in the you who believes in me. Not the me who believes in you. Believe in the you who believes in yourself. That's all that matters. The one path you chose for yourself, is the truth of your universe.

Don't give up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYzMYcUty6s
Dont ever give up.
NEVER GIVE UP!

I'll be cheering for ya. *hic*

dominiichan responds:

Thanks. Don't really know how to feel about this one but.. Thanks


JMartin97JMartin97

2015-06-10 01:55:20

It's hard to just let go of someone, especially when you still love them, and they don't feel the same anymore. The best advice I can give is find ways to distract yourself, meet some new people, and the pain will fade away. Losing someone becomes a big part of everyone's life at some point, it sucks but you'll get over it and be just as happy again, you just gotta give it time (and maybe find a creative outlet :P)

dominiichan responds:

Thing is she s still loves me but..
I just keep making things worse with my stupid emotions...
And I've written songs drawn and written poetry for her
Because I'm a pansy like that


DemonfeedDemonfeed

2015-06-10 07:00:09

I know how you feel, man. Life works out that way sometimes. I had someone I loved a lot and we had an 8 year relationship end because of something stupid. I felt like she was the one at the time, but once the initial sadness passes you still have your life. Keep your dream and make it happen, you don't need anyone else to make it work. I'm sure you will meet other people along the way that will make you forget all about her. None of this helps with the right now, I know, but give yourself some time to grieve what you have lost and move on. The death of a relationship is just like the death of a person and although it may really hurt right now, new things you bring into your life will distract you from the past and keep you motivated on the future. If you have a gift, why deny the world the chance of experiencing it because of a girl? I wish I knew what to say to help you feel better right now, but I'm just shooting in the dark here, but I can say it sucks to know another human being is going through what you are right now. The world sucks, but life is what you make of it so give yourself some time and grab the world by the balls and tell it whats up!

dominiichan responds:

I don't know if I can...
she was everything I ever wanted and more.


ChampionKnifeFighterChampionKnifeFighter

2015-06-10 08:32:42

No sympathy.

Some people never get to have a girlfriend. Be thankful you actually had one.

dominiichan responds:

Yeah I guess.


FroFro

2015-06-10 09:01:25

It sucks, but you'll get over it. You really will. If someone loved you they wouldn't leave your for no good reason. That means she doesn't love you. You shouldn't love someone who can't love you the same back. You don't need someone to feel complete. Only yourself.

This is coming from someone who went through divorce. A relationship that I thought would last forever and did last seven years. I couldn't be happier with my life now.

Suck it up, you'll have to eventually anyway. I know it hurts, but remember one key thing. You have control over your life. Not somebody else. She's not hurting you, you are choosing to be hurt. It's really all up to you.

dominiichan responds:

Um... Actually she left because I went too far with something. And yeah... I don't want to leave her... She's a really awesome person.


RobotaoRobotao

2015-06-10 09:32:06

Not in a rude sense, but how old are you? It kinda sounds like you're still in high school, in which case, none of that shit matters and once you're out of there you're going to feel freaking amazing. It's a whole new world out there once you get out.

It's something we all go through, but listen, all the things that happen in high school have little to no meaning on the rest of your life and you will (like everyone before you) laugh at all the things you used to say and do. Don't worry man, Love yourself, the hormones will pass, and just be happy that you have sentience.

dominiichan responds:

Ahem.. Not a high schooler.
She needed me.. But because of how stupid I was she kind of broke down...


LemKuujaLemKuuja

2015-06-10 09:57:07

My regards.
I don't really understand the concept of falling for a fictional character over your actual mate.
But I will tell you something...

I started a relationship 6 years ago. (We were in sixth grade).
We were the perfect match, she was everything to me.
We had the same dreams and hopes for the future, we sworn we'd stay together forever and form a duo in art and animation.
She died last year in a by all means terribly tragic car accident, the day before we were talking to each other about what are we going to paint the walls when we get married and move together.
Sounds like a fictional story, right?

I've spent 2 months in complete depression, I thought about suicide many times.
But I've overcame my pain and learned to move on and be strong.
It's a really long story of how I went about it.
If you'd like to discuss this more thoroughly, I'd be glad to chat up with you and help.

Give me your Skype name.

dominiichan responds:

Sorry to hear that... It's not fair sometimes right...?
Love and life really hate each other sometimes...
And I'll pm you when I feel up to it..
I need some time alone for now...


TharosTheDragonTharosTheDragon

2015-06-10 15:31:35

All right, listen up. We've all been through this. You can't imagine how important to me my ex was. I too felt like my life was meaningless without her. I know you feel like she's the one, but there's no such thing as "the one." A lot of people have problems, and it sounds to me like she's got plenty. She's gotta work her brain out on her own, so forget about her.

Here's the trick. You gotta be able to stand on your own two feet. You really have to. Not only will this lead to you being happy without a relationship, but it will make it easier to establish and maintain relationships. People want people who don't need them. So don't just pretend to not need anybody: make sure you really don't need anybody!

Just focus on being as good of a person you can possibly be. Improve yourself. Become so great that this girl won't even be good enough for you anymore. Become better than her. And you know what? It sounds like you're already better than her. You may not think you're a great animator or anything, but that's because you're comparing yourself to your idols. Not many people can do what you do. So get out there and do it!

dominiichan responds:

Thanks.
But I dunno...
I don't know how to not need anyone
I've needed people to get through loneliness and darkness everyday.
Everyone is an ass to me so... She was the only one that really cared..


NecroionutwizNecroionutwiz

2015-06-10 15:40:05

Kill yourself

dominiichan responds:

You too faggot


SimplyRobotSimplyRobot

2015-06-10 16:56:25

Is there gonna be a fucking sequel to this novel Dan B? You are a teenager, go figure this sort of shit happens. Just drop it.

dominiichan responds:

Ahem.. Young adult.
And yeah I have two words for you-- fuck off
Oh and have a nice day ~


DreadMoreDreadMore

2015-06-10 21:24:25

You can always try understanding why she loves that fictional character and try to mimic his attributes, maybe that would show her that you care, even if you would fail miserably.

All in all, do something, apathy is for people who don't care about being with others, so go do something about her.

(I had only one GF, now she totally does not want to leave me alone, or be in relationship with me either wtf :P ?! )

dominiichan responds:

Well the reason why she loves him so much now is because... I kinda voice acted him to some sort of fan fic just to hear her squeal. I guess I pay the price now...


TharosTheDragonTharosTheDragon

2015-06-10 22:20:30

You got a fanbase that cares. I promise you that.

dominiichan responds:

Good to know..


SimplyRobotSimplyRobot

2015-06-11 00:50:11

Your fan base doesn't care

dominiichan responds:

Why're you here then?


BlordowBlordow

2015-06-11 01:20:02

If she's really the one for you, she will be there, but it doesn't sound like it, and you're probably creeping her out by putting her on a pedestal. You sound so desperate, and clingy, most girls don't like that. You need to realize that you learn from every relationship in life, not just women but friendship as well. They come, they go, but you can't rely on someone else to fulfill your dreams, that puts pressure on everyone, you have to man up and stop relying on women to be the "drug" to make you happy. Work on yourself, and everything else will fall into place.

dominiichan responds:

Well gee if I'm creeping her out she shouldn't have done it first >>;;
But yeah I get that


Rennis5Rennis5

2015-06-11 08:39:44

Bury yourself in work, everytime you think of her, break that chain of thought with writing, drawing, animating, exercise or even housework, set yourself big goals to distract yourself,
because caring too much could be driving her away,
you need to strengthen yourself mentally and physically to be worthy of her and if she doesn't stick around then she isn't worthy of you.
I only commented because I've been there dude.


NecroionutwizNecroionutwiz

2015-06-11 17:48:35

btw if she left you... was probably for the best because you could not satisfy her so she went to a guy who has a bigger dick than yours so try pill to enlarge your penis or something... bitches like that shit or if your into that emo stuff you can try cutting yourself in bathtub and sing the song "It's All Over But The Crying"

dominiichan responds:

Man... you are insecure as fuck. I'm so sorry that your girlfriend left you for someone with a bigger dick. Y'know, if you actually had one.


GretgorGretgor

2015-06-11 20:33:40

You are a very talented young person, I just checked your gallery. You should focus on your talents, that will sure make you feel better. Now, what can I say about this situation...

You see, I'm pretty sure I was on the same boat with my first girlfriend. I loved her a lot, and was dedicated to make her happy, and believe me, that's a good thing! Being able to dedicate so fully to the one you love is beautiful, and would have been perfect if it was with the right person. It turned out, though, that she was leeching my very vital energy in the long run, she didn't really care about me, and was only with me for what I could do for her. Luckily, I'm now with an amazing girl who actually appreciates me, and I feel very lucky.

I hope that's not the case for you, I hope you're dedicating yourself to a person who really deserves it. On the other hand, if she just casually decided she doesn't want to be in a relationship all of a sudden, given that she knows how much you love her, that makes her come off as rather selfish and mean. You seem like a good fellow, and your dedication to the happiness of the one you love is beautiful, but maybe you'd be better off investing that dedication on a new love, some time from now.

I could be completely wrong, though. Sorry for butting in, you never asked for my opinion, I just thought I'd share it anyways. I wish you all the best.

dominiichan responds:

It's okay. Everyone's opinion is valid. I guess I've just become too emotionally attached myself. I don't know if she still has feelings for me but, she loved me so much when I was with her. She appreciated everything I did for her. But I just took something too far. And just like that, she broke down. I can't explain the deep regret I have for that day. But if there's a chance that she'll come back I'll take it.


TheRealEclipseTheRealEclipse

2015-06-11 21:57:43

I know you feel like you won't get over it, but trust me, you will.

If you need to talk to anyone, we'll all be here for the foreseeable.

I have a friend @ZeroDown who is pretty good at giving advice, he helped me through a similar problem, so if you need to talk to someone or some advice, I'm sure he'd be glad to help....

dominiichan responds:

thanks. I appreciate it.


constrictoreconstrictore

2015-06-12 01:45:12

hey man i know exactly how you feel, i were in your position some time ago, and my answer could be unconventional but here goes, as explained in matrix revolutions "change is a dangerous game and will always be" because could either bring good or bad things to our lives, which one will be, we can't never know for sure, but that creates fear that later on becomes dependance... when i was said goodbye i was devastaded... i really loved that girl, even considered the marriage back then... and remember all the time about what i lost was killing me... but one day a part of me undrestood that thinking about what was gone was nocive to me, and at some point a gradually start to focus on other matters... i'm still alone, i haven't forgot her and it will quite a while before i do, but at least i can now survive the days by keeping myself busy doing anything but sitting around, and the most important thing i will say is don't be afraid of loneliness that's your greatest enemy, the one dragging you down and remember she loved you knowing your true self but also while you were strong and secure in your own way, if you really want her to look at you the same way when the time comes, you have to stay strong, you are a man and part of your job (sometimes difficult but never impossible) is to portrait your best image otherwise you are just making things harder, picking up a mess is no easy task only few dare to take... and finally man if she does not comeback to you, just remember this, if you are a goodhearted person you "can't" be mad at someone forever, the same principle applies to feeling bad about something, eventually you will find someone else, for life is one but doesn't let you taste anything good once


NecroionutwizNecroionutwiz

2015-06-12 13:44:38

well i wasent talking about me but w/e point is just find a new gf belive me there are plenty of women out there who would like to meet a hansome/charming/dashing man like you with a small penis... (btw i was trolling and you fell for it) >.o

dominiichan responds:

ahaha~
Trolling my anus. You were talking about you. But hey, I understand if you have a small penis and feel bad about it. Don't worry, somebody will take you.
(p.s. don't try too hard to troll, you might shrink your dick further.)